The Meditation Project

Have you ever started a project and then, realizing fully what it entailed, wondered what you have gotten yourself into? Trying to begin a meditation practice has been like this for me. I have been astounded by the internal “clutter” that is swirling around in my head once I sit down to be quiet. Has that level of background noise always been there?

I have spent a couple weeks now getting up at 6:15am and first warming up my body by doing a little yoga (wakes me up and allows me to sit without being so stiff) and then sitting in quiet for 20 minutes. I have been practicing centering prayer. I attended a workshop 2 weeks ago on this type of prayer that was fortuitously timed- basically training I needed right when I needed it. Even with the training (and an ongoing centering prayer weekly group that I joined), I feel like how the kids on my daughter’s tee ball team look during practice- goofy and uncoordinated as they throw the ball. I am trying to take a lesson from the tee-ball kids and just enjoy the process of trying something new and not worry about my performance.

Centering Prayer is a not a performance oriented activity anyway – and I think that is part of what it makes it challenging. It goes against the grain of our typical goal setting, action-oriented, mark your progress ways. My struggles to “achieve” this method of prayer miss the point of the practice.

The purpose of the prayer is to rest in the presence of God and to eventually experience a greater intimacy with God. The idea behind it is that the deepest center of our selves is closest to God (from Thomas Merton) - that part that is underneath all the “noise” in my head. My role in the prayer is only to give myself to God with an open heart and mind –it is often called the “prayer of consent”. The method of the prayer is to sit in silence, with eyes closed and saying a “sacred word” of my choosing. The “sacred word” is used as a symbol of consenting to God’s presence and to avoid getting distracted by my thoughts. This isn’t anything technical- my word is “resting” but it can be any simple word.

My meditation practice has been going something like this: I say to myself “resting” and then my mind starts to think about what someone said last night or how I wonder if my kids will have any clean socks today, etc. Then I say “resting” again trying to avoid getting hooked by my thoughts and on it goes. It is easy to get frustrated but the training was very specific in that you gently take your mind away from your thoughts, as thoughts are natural to us humans, and refocus on consenting to God by saying your word. I understand it gets easier. I’ll keep you posted.

Two encouraging ideas from my training that keep me going:
1. God can take that half a second in between your thoughts and use it.
2. Saying your word is an act of devotion to God and so at least I am spending my time repeatedly affirming my devotion to God, however awkwardly.

My information about centering prayer is coming from Contemplative Outreach. For more information try www.contemplativeoutreach.org . Many thanks go out to Judi Barnes and Cave Spring United Methodist Church for the workshop on centering prayer.