The Meditation Project

Busy-ness. Is that a word? I want to spell it “business” but of course that gives a new meaning. However you say it or spell it, spring is a busy time of year.

I haven’t written in a few weeks because I honestly haven’t had much to say. The wheels of life are turning a bit fast now and most of life is spent quickly preparing for what’s next, preparing for the endings coming up and then preparing for the SUMMER WHEN KIDS ARE OUT OF SCHOOL. I wrote that in caps to emphasize how that feels to this stay at home Mom and as I am sure it feels to parents in general. I’m guessing we all have some form of panic around school getting out.

Part of me is thrilled about beach trips, days at the pool and spontaneous fun. But the panic part is wondering this … Will I survive sibling spats/long days/”I’m bored”/extensive play dates, etc. and be the creative, patient, disciplined Mom I hope to be? Will I stay focused on what is important- loving and teaching my children? I can only hope for more days than not – let’s be realistic after all.

I am proud of that last sentence as I am a recovering perfectionist. Perfectionist traits never got me far- my brand of perfectionism just seems to hold me back. I have been reminded lately of how important it is to focus on God’s grace. I know that is what Christian faith is all about but somehow I forget what grace really means for me sometimes. A few weeks ago the corporate confession part of worship at our church was meaningful to me:

“We confess, O Lord, that we fail you most when we fail to trust your grace. It is regrettable enough when we sin but refuse to admit it. We perhaps sin more when we so distrust the Gospel that we refuse to accept your grace. How wrong we were when we thought you owed us for our faithfulness. How wrong we remain when we think that we are not loved simply because we do not deserve it. “

The last line brought the point home to me. No matter how much I learn about Christian teachings, I think I continue to miss that God loves me regardless of anything that I do or don’t do. That perfectionism is hard to root out. I pray for a deep realization of God’s love and grace for myself and all of us panicking parents out there.